I wanted to write a final post and take a moment to recap the wonderful things I did and saw abroad, but the longer I put it off, the less "real" the end seemed.
I think I'm finally ready to say that it's over, though I'm not yet ready to say goodbye.
Here it is, my last update on life in Freiburg, though it comes now in the form of a Gestalt of memories and lessons that I will never forget, rather than an action journal...
Freiburg, Germany, Fall 2008:
Lessons learned (both trivial and important):
1. Independence.
Something I once thought to be a package deal now appears to come in degrees and grades. Though I still have many rungs yet to climb on this latter, the before and after pictures are astoundingly different. There's something to be said about doing things as simple as eating out alone. Learning to take action and to find help on my own, when needed, has pushed me into a realm of independence of which I can be proud.
...and speaking of help
2. Pride.
I have learned that there are appropriate times to be proud and strong...and there are times in which one should ask for help. Sometimes it's just better to admit that we don't know everything, and that we can't do everything. It's much more satisfying to get the desired results or simply get home safely, rather than to pretend, selfishly, that one is above asking for help.
3. Identity.
What does it mean to be...me? So many Americans abroad are ashamed or embarrassed to admit where they come from; they instead identify with an ethnicity or culture from which their families may have originated generations before. I have learned to be proud of who I am and where I come from. I am an American. Furthermore, I am a mid-westerner. I am now able to be proud of the country and the place from which I come, because it has defined the person I am today. I have American values, though I don't agree with everything that America as a country, or better yet, as a government does. I have mid-western tendencies and even a mid-western dialect, though, that doesn't make me "small-town" in my mindset or behaviors. This is who I am and from where I come; that's not going to change.
4. Acceptance/Tolerance.
I will never understand or agree with all of the customs and beliefs of all of the cultures of the world, but it's not hard to accept them, or simpler even, to just tolerate. Inquire respectfully and attempt understanding, or simply accept differences...
5. Laugh.
Something that transcends language barriers and awkward moments is laughter...and humor in general. Laughing at myself was probably the single most important thing I did in moments of frustration or confusion. Finding the humor in everyday situations is not always the easiest thing to do, but it's people who can do this with whom I like to surround myself.
6. Moderation.
Fun things are sometimes better...with a little moderation. Going out... drinking... dancing... eating... reading... games... I think, I've said enough here.
7. Self-education.
We can learn as much or as little as we want at any given time. I will not always have professors like the ones I have at Lawrence...I mean the kind who will push me to work harder, read more carefully, analyze more intensely and deeply, search more effectively and strive to be better. This is something I have to do myself; I have to do it for me.
8. Temporariness (or more recently accepted, in other senses...,temporality).
This lesson is one, which I am still learning and trying to accept.
Few things, if any, in life last forever. Surprisingly, the hardest thing I had to do in Freiburg was say goodbye. I left home expecting constant home-sickness and loneliness to await my time in Freiburg. Instead, I found that I could function on my own. I was happy. Words cannot relay the sense of home that I felt in Freiburg. There were people whom I got to know well, and people, whom I even learned to love. Leaving behind the home which I created was hard. Leaving behind the people to whom I had become increasingly attached was devastating. I have, until recently, been mourning my losses as though someone died. I have been anyone but myself, forgetting to laugh and do the things which make me...me. However, what I have learned, and struggle to remember everyday is this:
Good things don't always last. Most of the best things are temporary. I've laughed and cried a million times about my experiences in Freiburg, but nothing I can say or do will make them come back or change. While I was in Freiburg, I was there. But now I am here, and I need to be here...now. One of my high school teachers said that her best piece of advice for the world is simply that: wherever you are, be there.
I'd like to end on that thought, since it is most dear to me. I'd also like to post pictures of my favorite moments, rather than explaining each one, since each memory is worth more words than I could ever write. Some are repeats, and some are new. Pictures are an amazing medium through which to capture the moments we could never really explain.
(And to the people with whom I experienced each of these moments...thank you.)
Enjoy...
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