Es ist vorbei.

So it's finally hit me. One month later, and college has officially ended (psychologically).
It seems the best time to work through these thoughts is late at night (it's late when you work at 7:45am for 10 hours a day, five days a week...) when sleeplessness sets in and an overwhelming sensation of thoughtfulness and awareness takes over...or maybe that's just rumination at its worst.
finished. done. over. past. vorbei. fertig. geschlossen. geendet. geschehen. gegangen.
Four years have passed without the realization that at the end of college, it ends.
No, I don't miss everything, nor do I miss everyone. In fact, I miss very little and only a select few (even fewer than anticipated). But the things and people I miss, will be missed in the year(s?) to come.

So it goes.

But, alas, the wisdom of so many before holds true again. The end of one thing always leads to the beginning of another, and this beginning has been preceded by years of hard work and preparation.
I will say with absolute certainty that I am more excited about my next venture than I have been about anything in my life. Although helped by others to get there, this achievement is my own. I have chosen to act upon my wishes, rather than just to hope for them to come true. In true pragmatic fashion, I am showing myself and you all that when I said I wanted to see the world, I meant it. And when I said that I wanted to experience it, too, well, I meant that, too.

But the reason I am writing this now is because I know that everything is about to change.
My address, my language, my home, my friends, my...?
It might seem obvious, but when everything changes...everything changes.
The relationships I have now will not be the same when I return, whenever I decide that will be. And it is for that reason that I have a million things to say; It's not to cling to the way things used to be, but to accept them for what they really are, what they really have been, and what they won't be forever.

So before I close tonights thoughts about nothing, I need to take one more moment to reflect on Lawrence, and to say something for those who are reading...and really for myself, since I know many of those being addressed here are not reading...
Lawrence was an amazing part of my life, and I will truly remember it and appreciate it until I, too, have perished. There are moments, images, faces, realizations and lessons that have been imprinted into my memory and have become a part of everything I do. Thanks to all who played even the slightest role.
My friends, some who were there since Term I, Year I, you are the ones I will miss...Some of you I know I will see again, and I am sad to say that many of you (and really, most) I will not see again. So it goes.
Just because I don't write or visit doesn't mean I don't care. Often time and distance get the best of friendships.
My professors: the best thing about Lawrence. Fighting for my grades, defending my work (whether facing success or defeat), listening to subtle nudges and forceful pushes to do more, work more, be more. This is what I will miss more than anything. I already miss the frustration and satisfaction of finding out that a final copy was really a rough draft. I already miss impromptu office hours debates via email. I miss the nervousness of waiting for the comments on my capstone, and the pride that came with each good mark (and how it was halved by the drive that came with each criticism). This is the reason that Lawrence was for me, and only this.
Those others...who made brief appearances in my life at Lawrence, but taught me lessons in life that were not always obvious to these people (or even myself until later). These people were important, too. With some of you I had the opportunity to exchange goodbyes, and with others it was either inopportune (or even avoided). To those I missed, or missed me, whether by unfall or zufall, goodbye. I wish every ending had gone well, but even the poor ones ended as best they could. I wish you all the best--yes, all.

And to those of you who've wasted your time reading this, good night. You'll hear from me again, soon.
Adventures in Eislingen, Germany are less than two months away, and the time is ripe for some more sensical writing, if I'm capable of such a thing.

Gute Nacht Liebe Leute
Au Revoir Lawrence...